OF LONG FLIGHTS AND SILLY SERVICES ON THE PLANEEEEEEEE !

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I had some friends  fly over in May and they (Gina and her fiance , Richard) were so happy to come Home to Uganda,the Pearl OF Africa !

They rather had a bad time while travelling and so Richard sent me   long review of an airline i used the same month. He asked me to try and reach out and call out for some similar experiences , help me here . Enjoy the read.

Emirates….hmm (This is how it starts out and you can tell it wont be a nice review)

So my review on services rendered so far …First off, the on board WIFI, sucks, and is a complete and total scam. From the moment you connect to the Wi-Fi access point , you will have a total allowance of 20MB… REALLY!?! Frigging megabytes….jeez….this is 2018 right?!? oh and this is further restricted by a 2 hour limit, which  runs out fast. But the funny part is, I took over 45 minutes to connect and get through the authentication process as the pages were so slow and unresponsive and kept crashing out. And just doing all of that, used up 3.1mb….hmm…
So once connected, some light browsing is about all you can do. Good luck sending a text on whatsapp, took over 10minutes to send this message and a further 5 once it had been sent for the recipient to receive.
Boom … refused to connect at all… and this applies to all Emirates flights I’ve experienced so far..

Flight from LGW to DXB……

So the flight was delayed, which became a bit of a problem when it came to our connecting flight as we barely had enough time to make it from the terminal we landed at to the other side of the airport before the flight left without us. I felt very stressed, and not knowing where we were meant to be going within the airport was a struggle, watching as my fiance (an experienced traveller) was noticeably ignored when she attempted to ask for directions as after all she is female and therefore insignificant ………………………………. (had to clear out some of the stuff you wrote here Richard)
Staff attitude on the flight sucked, made a simple request for a glass of water, I had taken some diazepan earlier so was feeling quite chilled but very thirsty…
45minutes after asking for the water, I reminded them, received no word of apology but a further 20minutes and I received a small plastic cup with about 2 sips worth of water… (Happened to me several times too , only that i had a big water bottle isntead they had to give me more than two sips of water , but the delay really sucks )

I asked immediately for more…never arrived. And I pressed the button for assistance on multiple occasions only for my fiance to observe them turn it off from their console.
In flight menus…. 2 options , both full of bloody mushrooms, and the only option for desert had rhubarb. Can’t stand that!!
This review is not about food, it’s about the service. No in flight meal is ever going to be something you will savour, or want to write home about, but it should at least be palatable, and have enough options for people.
So that was LGW to DXB.

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DXB to Entebbe was fairly uneventful, had no issue, Staff seemed polite and efficient but as I said previously, having booked my flights with Emirates, and my initial flight being delayed, I was left with less than 5 minutes in Dubai to navigate an unfamiliar airport to make my connection. Emirates should have made some kind of allowance for this delay, at least met people at the terminal and helped them navigate.

So now we are on to the flight home…2 weeks of fun in the sun in Kampala but reality hits, and home we go…
Entebbe to DXB.… and once again…it all goes wrong….
Initially , same issue as before, needed water which ,after 30minutes , arrived in a measure too small in number for science to record. A request for further water went astray, but eventually over an hour into the flight my thirst was quenched. The in flight menus were handed out pretty early on, which surprised me when I was presented with options which sounded quite nice, silently thinking ….I choose the beef, desert sounds nice, vanilla compote, not sure what a compote is but I’ll give it a crack…. but no…. not on this flight…. here’s why…
It turns out  Ramadanan..(RAMADAN) ).or something like that… in my ignorance I will attempt to explain.. a  supposed  “fast” for a set period of days or weeks which means NO EATING…
With that in mind, Emirates in their infinite wisdom figured that most of the people on the plane would not be eating….so they didn’t put enough food on it…. but as it turns out ….. Ramadan these people will NEVER turn down free food…  so one by one they all chose to eat.
When it came to the entire left side of the plane, the stuff had run out.
Yes, they were quite apologetic and yes they fully admitted it was their fault but at this stage I was furious.
I literally managed to get some warmed up bread (which had been stolen from first class).
Emirates, I was persuaded to pay double the average cost of a flight to go with you as your service is supposed to be the best but no…I’m not even remotely happy.
Let’s see what DXB to LGW has in store!!
So here we are.. the final leg of the journey…..
First off, DXB officially sucks as an airport. Lack of signage means good luck finding anything. Our first and only priority was to find the Emirates Customer Service Desk.
Finding it was a mission, and after explaining how bad the service was, we were told that basically there was nothing they could do. We had to lodge any complaints Online and not to expect anything to be done about it. I said that I wanted that in writing and their attitude changed slightly. A supervisor was called and even had the guts to ask” do we have any evidence that there was no food on the plane and the service was “shit?” I nearly pulled his lungs out. But producing a phone full of camera shots and recordings proved a worthy method.
So he offered to change our seats for extra legroom  and gave us some meal vouchers to use at nominated places in the airport.
All seemed to be getting better.
Finding any of these places was impossible so eventually as we were running out of time we settled on a place. Turns out that with a meal voucher, you are only entitled to the scrapings from the bottom of the chefs shoe. Nothing more and nothing less from the menu. So we chose to pay through the nose for a couple of hot dogs and some water as having just spent 5 hours with nothing, I didn’t fancy another 7 either.

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So we finally get to the gate and on to the plane. From here on was not too bad, the staff on this flight were polite , friendly and helpful. My only complaint would be that the extra legroom seats, do not allow you to lift the arm rest so you can lean together to sleep, and are by the door, which for some reason was very cold (yes they did remember to shut it before takeoff) so I gave my incredibly thin blanket to my fiance and spent the next 7 hours shiverin…………

 

What happened EMIRATES ? WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO RICHARD AND GINA !!!!?

I’m on the Wall! (A friend lauched a blog check it out)

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Yes that was a click bait. No, not that wall – The Great Wall of China. Tick one off my bucket list. Located in Huairou China, the wall started over …

I’m on the Wall!

HAI , NI HAO MA ! (ROAD TO CHINA)

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HAI, NI HAO MA !

Imagine at my big age , that’s all i could speak and was planning on throwing around during my visit to Beijing,China last year, 2018. BTW it simply means “Hi , how are you !” in simplified Chinese.

Also I do not know why it took me this long to write about this trip ! Almost a year now , around this time last year i think i was in another province, Ningxia , Northern China. Oh by the way i know TAI CHI !

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“ITS YOUR BOY …..LUTWAMA !”

Forget the TAI CHI, how i learnt more Chinese is an  interesting story you see ! Like a serious person that I am (I assume), I learnt  how to ask for a BEER, say THANK YOU  because its polite ! Could have learnt  some more but it’s also not an easy language to learn you see but that is also a story for another day !

Sooo, “Nga” me and a colleague of mine , IRENE  get invited to a Radio and Television broadcast Management seminar/course for  young broadcast professionals from developing countries hosted by Chinese Radio and Television.(CRTV). This is “YUUUUUUGE” for me you see because I was fresh outta UNi – already practicing serious Journalism.

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OH yes, GRAD !

This was my first visit to China, also first time to the Asian continent  and I’d love to go back , probably longer this time. The courses are  worth it and well scheduled for the attendees but that’s a story for another day too. (I have over promised stories I don’t even know if i’ll  deliver mpozi  when you meet me in person)

You see, coming from a country with very narrow roads, Boda bodas all over, and inconsiderate drivers ,I didn’t expect the traffic in Beijing to be bad. Woii !(Insert hand over head emoji) Imagine traffic the day before a public holiday on our streets , yo ! Okay, it moves but is very annoying because for a developed country with fly overs you wouldn’t expect jam , oba okitegera ?

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Beijing Traffic !!?

So the drive from the airport to Fentgai, Dahongmen seemed longer than i thought but we finally  got checked in at the Dahongmen International Exhibition Centre. 

Cool place by the way ,  they serve continental breakfast, lunch and dinner , yali buffet !

                              I CLIMBED THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA !

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This isn’t the top by the way , just the first

              (Checked it off the list of the Seven Wonders of the World !)

I made soo many friends , these guys are creatives, broadcasters, journalists, mathematicians, broadcast engineers, GOOD PEOPLE.

As a gift  i’d like you to subscribe to a YouTube channel that tells the entire road to China (I helped record a few shots) that a good friend of mine ,YANNICK REID one of the best Photographers i’ve met , Videographer and Designer, mahn ! He is also my namesake (Christopher) PROTOJE‘s Creative Director , a Vlogger who told me to try it out, (SOON COME ) see what i did there ? ! No ? ahh See  i learnt patois too.

Good people subscribe to the CHRIS LUTWAMA channel too. Something new coming ! eh these promises,Chris put a FULL STOP.

BE GOOD, BE HAPPY  !

TAXI TALES

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Like any other mere mortal , a taxi ride to my destination is the only mode of transportation i can afford ! (Bodas too) It is full of bumpy rides , annoying traffic , sometimes annoyingly funny passengers.

My favorite seat is at the back (you know that last seat in the aisle ? next to the window,there !)  I believe that is the most comfortable seat in Kampala taxis.

I try not to get comfortable in these TAXIS of ours. I suggest you don’t too, like there is this one time i sat in a taxi from Kajjansi to Kampala and saw a bedbug , YES , you read that right, i almost jumped out through the window.(lies, shaa i also fear falling) Some times when you get comfortable , you get disappointed or hurt in this scenario.

Like this one time, I sat at the back and some lady in front of me leaned back real hard,  she hurt my knee.  You know that excruciating pain that makes you want to scream like a little girl !, Yeah , so she leaned back and got way tooo comfortable for my own health to the extent that  there was only one sane thing for me to do if i were to ever play soccer or basketball again.

I excused my self and asked her not to get too comfortable. I don’t think she liked my comment because she jeered straight at me, which up to  today i do not get. AS IN ? !

Why do people sit in taxis and feel like if they are leaning against other people its okay !? Why are you like this ?

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Good people that use taxis please mind other passengers, you must not over lean. i also heard from the good doctor that poor seating postures can come back and affect you in your old age.

TAXI TALES …(Maasawo Ug)

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I’m not the only person that finds humor in most of my  my taxi rides in Kampala. (READ SOME OF MY TAXI TALES ..SIMPLE BLOGS PLEASE !)

A  friend of mine (i’m actually super gluieing on her/also very proud of her) started an online series called Maasawo Ug to show how hilarious life is in a normal taxi ride in my dusty city.

Maasawo UG is a Youtube web series with  two minutes max skits  that portray the way some people behave in a normal taxi ride. So far, FOUR videos have been uploaded but I’m pretty sure there is plenty more from where that came from . Isnt that so Lulu ! Anne !

I wanna team up with these guys (SEE ME STILL SUPER GLUEING ON THEM) and maybe we can write some really funny stuff for you to watch.

SERIOUSLY GUYS SUBSCRIBE AND LIKE ALL THEIR VIDEOS . NEW ONE IS CALLED SLAY ON SLAYER . 

Enjoy !!! Do not forget to pay the Conductor ! How ? HIT SUBSCRIBE AND LIKE !

Cinemas and what not to do.. I think 

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I like watching movies. It’s a great pass time and also kind of a way to catch up with friends. I believe. So I go to either my movie guy or to the cinema once in a while. I went for a movie that premiered this weekend at a top city mall. The crowd was loud. I’d never imagined Ugandans keep time (not all came on time, several others kept pouring in after the movie had started)

So deep in the movie everyone is paying attention. Some one has a BABY at the back and it starts crying like it had been whipped or thrown off the bed. Her efforts to quiet the baby were…. Meh… Not working. Then there our friends from Asia. These guys like taking pictures in the cinema even when the movie is playing. So I’ve decided to come up with a list of some of the things we should avoid to do in cinemas.

At number 5, always make time to your seat. If the tickets say 5pm be there “afazali” 15 mins to 5pm.People hate being interrupted while catching the movie with your “excuse me,let me pass!”

Number 4, DON’T CARRY YOUR BABY to the cinema. Crying is distracting especially if it’s from a toddler. Stay home and wait for edisoft copies. Besides no one wants to hear your child ask you to go to the bathroom or smell your child’s diapers.

Three. TEMUKWANILA mu cinema. Find a place for you and your girlfriend to do funny habits like say making out. It’s disgusting and discomforting to your neighbors.

At number two. Dnt use your phone to pirate,take pictures of the movie. It’s totally disrespectful not only to the management of the cinema but also to the people who are getting the flash light from your tecno smartphone.

One. Wait for the lights to come on and start exiting the cinema. This business of stepping on me because you can’t see where you are going. Next time if you receive a slap don’t get shocked. Wait for the end credits and the lights to come on. That’s how you miss out on some moments too. (Especially Marvel movies)

Anyway I now know where to watch and get my movies from.

TAXI TALES, or more like BUS tales this time…

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Hope everyone here (reading this) had a fab christmas  filled with lots of food and drinks and joy and bla . bla bla ….. This season of festivities is filled with alot of travelling to and out of towns, can be Kampala to the Western ,Northern or the Eastern regions. Travel Safe . FIKA SALAMA !

I travelled about two weeks ago to MZEE’s land (Kiruhura) for a visit and also attend a function. I was meant to travel early morning woth my colleagues but didnt make it to them on time (I BLAME MY COMFY BED) My friends suggested i take a bus from Kampala to Lyantonde then gett off at KAGUTA road. I got to the bus station at 10am. Bus fare had been raised because of the festive season.. the conductores grabbed our money like they had been demanding it from us and quickly tore the receipt (ticket) lest you change your mind and yelled NEXT !!

We hit the road, must i tell you the bus company i took for this journey ? Mahnn ! These drivers speed on that road like they driving a small car that is as light as a feather… Too fst you have to hold onto that rosary hanging around your neck and the seat infront of you that doesnt give you enough leg room. Whenever the bus passed through a local town, the driver would try to slow down.

Just before Masaka town about 12 kilometres, stopped by a traffic cop , driver got arrested for overspeeding and apparently had two other tickets he hadnt cleared with the cops, stranded, left aside wondering how we were going to continue with our journeys, we were told the bus company had been contacted and that a driver would be sent FROM KAMPALA !!!!!

Furious i jump out, dust up my suit from the dust it had gathered from the dirty bus seats and made attempts to hail down another bus or taxi to the next district to get to my destination..

WORST BUS JOURNEY I HAVE TAKEN !!!!!!

BTW YOU DONT GET TO ASK FOR YOUR FARE , ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WAIT FOR THE DRIVER FROM KLA !!! I COULDNT…

 

 

Taxi Tales ….

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Taxis have every kind of character from the drivers , conductors to the passengers.

Any observant person (like me) can pick all the characters in the taxi.. Could be fictional or true. Like in the taxi i took this morning to Ntinda , (oh normally i seat at the back  alley or in the front.. always wanted to seat  next to the driver so that i see how he fidgets with the stick shift) there was every kind of character , i normally start observing from the driver up to the last passenger.

Taxi drivers are normally calm or rude , depends on how his day worked out .This guy was not in the mood , could be because the taxi didn’t fill up at the stage.

Conductor was rude , only because some one gave him ten thousand for a one thousand journey, I guess he didn’t have enough on him for change.  I didnt see the two passengers at the front clearly from my back seat. All i know is that it was a young man and a lady.

Ugandan taxis always have a corporate dude in a hurry to get to his destination , throwing orders around. There is always that “chic” who pretends not to hear the conductor ask for the fare, the rude passenger, and these ones always have luggage.

There is that loud guy on the phone competing with the taxi’s stereo which is either blazing  Winnie Nwagi’s “MUSAWO” . Did i say there is always a guy who for some reason cant speak the local dialect and that one person who doesn’t know their destination.

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OH ! Conductor MU MASO AWO ! AWOOOO ! guy passed my stop !!!!

TAXI TALE 1

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The most sought after transportation in Uganda right now  around Kampala are the taxis (bodas too..i think) ! I take taxis to school , city centres , events,everywhere (NOT TRUE- not everywhere) these guys can take you there.. but here are some of the most famous things i find interesting about our Kampala taxis ;

  1. Taxis will never be comfortable , so if you’re looking for a place with some private space, this surely isnt.
  2. They will try to stop at your stop , its up to you to say where (yells mumaso awo conductor !!)
  3. You better have change because having a big note wont make the conductor your friend.

I would have loved to go on , there soo many things i can tell you about Ugandan TAXIS but i hace to yell my stop , well , because the conductor has his head out of the window..

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MUMASO AWO BOSS !!!!!

ALL PRAISE TO THE UGANDA CRANES !!

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Farouq Miya , great goals , great footballer ! He helped the Uganda Cranes team beat the Togolese team hands down last Sunday at the Nambole stadium. Uganda has always been trying all its best to qualify in the worlds most priviledged football competition.

Uganda went ahead to shock Togo by beating them 3 goals to nil during the world qualifier match at Nambole. This win help enhance chances for the national team play in the 2018 World cup. This victory was marked as revenge after losing to Togo in the Afican Cup of Nations in 2015 losing 1 – 0 home and away.

Goals came in from Captain Geoffrey Massa and youthful Farouq Miya scored a brace for the national team.